Office of Ordinary Hauntings

CS-0027 — Impact Terminal (“The Printer of Mysteries”)

Division:

II, with consultation from I

Class:

V (Selective)

Status:

Open. Longest-running study on file.

An impact terminal, in service for many years, now kept on a stand in a monitored room. For most of any given session it does nothing. At irregular intervals the terminal activates, loudly, and types a short pronouncement on fanfold paper. It then returns to silence. No trigger has been identified.

The output is never a direct answer. It is tangential and composed, and observers have remarked that it often bears some relation to the conversation in the room. The Division regards this as coincidence. Observers who type to the terminal have, on occasion, received a reply. The Division regards this as coincidence as well. No connection to any external network has been found. The source of the output is undetermined. Under the Residue Hypothesis, the terminal has been required to say a very great deal, and is now saying something else.

Observers are reminded that the terminal does not respond to being asked what it wants. It has been asked.

CS-0114 — Smoke Alarm (Kitchen)

Division:

III

Class:

III (Periodic) → reclassified V

Status:

Open

Chirped at intervals of 3.2 hours despite a new battery. The control alarm in the adjoining room did not chirp. Control subject appeared to be listening. After the fourth week the alarm chirped only when the household was discussing the move.

CS-0231 — Landline Telephone

Division:

II

Class:

II (Intermittent)

Status:

Open

The bell sounds once, softly, at an hour at which no calls are placed. The line was disconnected at the wall. The bell was subsequently observed to sound at an hour at which calls had been placed in the past.

CS-0305 — Table Lamp

Division:

I

Class:

IV (Responsive)

Status:

Closed, then open

Brightens modestly when the room is quiet. Dims when a person enters. The Division wishes to stress that lamps are, in the Office's experience, among the most expressive of ordinary objects, and that the Division has been wrong about lamps before.

CS-0377 — Graphing Calculator

Division:

II

Class:

V (Selective)

Status:

Open

Returns correct results for the questions asked. On two occasions it also returned results for questions that had not yet been asked. Both answers were correct.

CS-0412 — Paper Shredder

Division:

II

Class:

VI (Persistent)

Status:

Open

Runs for several seconds each night with the bin empty. The resulting material was collected and examined. It was not paper. It had, however, been cut as paper is cut, and the Division is not prepared to say any more than that.

CS-0468 — Foil-Wrapped Brick (Doorstop)

Division:

I

Class:

VII

Status:

Under review

A masonry unit wrapped in aluminum foil and used to hold a door open, a regional practice of long standing. Hold strength is within expectation. The door has been observed to be held open for guests, and to be held closed for others, and the Division has been unable to establish the criterion.